Reader's Digest

Laughter, the Best Medicine

The best Medicine

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Trick or Tweet!

The worst part about breaking up right before Halloween is now I have to explain at every party why I’m dressed as half of a horse.

—twitter@robfee

Halloween is my favorite holiday, where you can trespass on a stranger’s property and make a nonnegotia­ble demand.

—twitter@rolldiggit­y

ME: Wow, nice costume.

COP: Step out of the car, sir.

—twitter@fro_yo

A woman and her husband stop at a dentist’s office.

“I need a tooth pulled right away,” she says. “Don’t bother with the Novocain; we’re in a hurry.”

“Which tooth do you want pulled?” asks the dentist.

The woman shoves her husband toward the dentist. “Go ahead, dear. Show him your tooth.”

—dentalaffa­irs.com

A patient tells a psychiatri­st that he’s convinced there’s somebody living under his bed.

“Visit me for three days a week at $300 a visit, and you’ll be cured,” the psychiatri­st assures him.

The price tag is a little rich for the patient, so he says he’ll think about it.

Six months later, the two meet on the street. “Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were

having?” asks the psychiatri­st.

“Because a bartender cured me for only $10.” “How?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”

—Submitted by

Marilyn Miller Fort Washington, Pennsylvan­ia

A trooper pulls over a priest and immediatel­y smells alcohol on his breath. The next thing he notices is an empty wine bottle lying on the passenger seat.

“Have you been drinking?” the officer asks.

“Just water,” says the priest.

“Then why do I smell wine?”

The priest looks at the bottle and shouts, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”

—cota.church

Got a funny joke?

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 ??  ?? “I’ll have the fish.”
“I’ll have the fish.”

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