Reader's Digest

Laugh Lines

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It’s October. For everyone’s safety, keep your blond-haired children away from all corn mazes. Do not let them congregate. —twitter@xliserx

Any ghost sophistica­ted enough to haunt a hotel is going to find the 13th floor, whether you have an elevator button for it or not. —twitter@contwixt

How about a horror game show called The Price Is Right Behind You! —twitter@marconi829­30

I know blood in horror movies is just corn syrup, but it’s still terrifying because at this point, that’s basically all my blood is. —twitter@bridger_w

Every movie is a horror movie when the characters don’t use coasters. —twitter@davedittel­l

I would die first in a horror movie because I refuse to spend the last few minutes of my life running. —twitter@atwistedti­ara

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