All in a Day’s Work

I’m known as a stickler for good spelling. So when an associate e-mailed technical documents and asked me to “decifer” them, I had to set him straight.

“Decipher is spelled with a ph, not an f,”

I wrote. “In case you’ve forgotten, spellchecker comes free with your Microsoft program.”

A minute later came his reply: “Must be dephective.” —Norman Middleton Beech Grove, Indiana

Three employees who made their respective office Christmas parties memorable:

✦ The man who tried to photocopy his rear end, only to smash the glass and end up in the hospital.

✦ The manager who took his staff out for a three-course Christmas meal and “had an emergency” when dessert arrived, leaving his team with the bill.

✦ The poor soul who fell asleep on the

toilet at a restaurant and woke up to find that the entire place was empty—and he was locked in. —coburg banks

I was describing my job as an engineer to some middle schoolers when I mentioned that “one of my colleagues and I designed a medical instrument for measuring human muscle tone.” Later, I added, "another colleague and I designed a system to allow merchants to print coupons at the cash register.” Thinking that all this technical talk was confusing, I asked if there were any questions.

There was one: “What’s a colleague?” —James Hahn St. Louis, Missouri

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A woman at our checkout counter didn’t have enough money to cover her purchase of toilet paper, so I paid the 96 cents. “Thank you,” she said. “I’m going to think of you every time I use this paper.” —Richard f. pfeifer Norfolk, Nebraska

“‘Honesty is the best policy.’ OK! Now, what’s the second-best policy?”