Life in These United States

in these United States

I loved the dress that I bought at a flea market. It fit perfectly, and the skirt was a swirl of intricate pleats. I wore it confidently to an evening party and glowed when a woman exclaimed, “Oh, how stunning!” Yes, I was grinning from ear to ear, until she added cheerfully, “Hang on to it, honey. Pleats will come back someday.”

Southerners are born storytellers. So when

asked its readers to spin a typical southern tale using just five words, here’s what they got: ✦ “Somebody done ate the biscuits.”

✦ “Fry it, then try it.” ✦ “Found THIS in the dishwasher!”

✦ “BBQ sauce arguments ended friendships.”

✦ “After, we called him Stump.”

✦ “Collards spun in the washer.”

I tried having my mother’s phone disconnected, but the customer-service rep told me that since the account was in my dad’s name, he’d have to be the one to put in the request. The fact

My four-year-old just asked why she can’t eat tacos every day, and honestly, I think I’d have an easier time explaining where babies come from. @sarabellab123

that he’d been dead for 40 years didn’t sway her. Then a solution hit me: “If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right?”

“Well, yes,” she said reluctantly. “But that would ruin his credit.” —Jeannie Gibbs

Rocky Mount,

North Carolina

“I make mistakes; I’ll be the second to admit it.”

—Jean Kerr, author

Since the coronavirus outbreak, my 47-yearold son has been washing his hands religiously. In fact, he said, “I’ve been washing my hands so much, I found the answers to an old eighth-grade math quiz.”