“My Mommy® Is Broken!”

A toddler e-mails a complaint to customer service

ATTN: Customer Service

I am writing to you seeking assistance Mommy®. with my I received Mommy® my in 2019 and was immediately pleased with the model. The first year, she worked great. She was attentive. She satisfied my needs and rarely caused me any grief. However, over the last year, I’ve noticed incremental changes in her quality.

For example, she used to jump to rescue me from my prison whenever I whimpered, and we’d retire to her room until morning. Now I receive a stern “Go back to sleep!” yelled from somewhere in the darkness. I understand that routine use of the big bed is an introductory offer, but I thought it was automatically extended until year three. Did I misunderstand the contract?

I’ve also noticed an increasing lag

Mommy®’s in my responsiveness during daylight hours. Whereas before a tearful shriek would invoke an immediate response and impressive checklist of possible solutions, including snacks, cuddles, and various funny faces intended to make me laugh, now she only sighs and rolls her eyes when I throw myself on the floor. In fact, there seems to be an inverse relationship between her level of concern and the caliber of my dramatic performance. Have you found this to be a problem with continued use?

Another cause for concern is my Mommy®’s

translation feature, which I find is increasingly glitchy. She will