Reader's Digest

Life in These United States

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On a trip to a rural Irish village, a friend of mine stopped off at the only shop in town to buy a newspaper. However, all it had was the previous day’s edition. “Excuse me,” he asked the shop owner, “do you have today’s newspaper?”

“Yes, I do,” answered the man. “It’ll be here tomorrow.”

—H.h.via

rd.com

My wife often surprises me with her unusual perspectiv­e on life, but never more so than when she walked outside one breezy afternoon, threw open her arms, and announced, “I love living on a planet with wind!” —Bill Spencer

Cullowhee,

North Carolina

After our Siamese kitten ran up our expensive curtains, snagging them, my wife took him to the veterinari­an to have him neutered, hoping it would calm him down. A few weeks later, my sister-in-law

 ??  ?? “Scotch and toilet water?”
“Scotch and toilet water?”

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