LAUGHTER The best Medicine
Little Johnny and his friend Tommy were on their very first train ride. A vendor selling concessions came by, and Tommy’s mother bought each child a candy bar.
Johnny eagerly tore into his just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged, Johnny saw that Tommy was still struggling with the wrapper.
“I wouldn’t eat that if I were you,” Johnny said to Tommy.
“Why not?” asked Tommy.
“Because I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.” —Innerworkspublishing.com
I’ve created an app to help with insomnia. It lets you talk to other really boring people until you fall asleep. It’s online sedating. —Jon Harvey, comedian
Season to Taste
✦ Spices were first brought to Europe in the Middle Ages, and some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.
— @craiguito
✦ I switched the labels on all my wife’s spices. I’m not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin.
—Submitted by
Justin Mitchell
Denver, Colorado
Start each day with a positive thought, like “I can go back to bed in about 16 hours.”
— @Abbyhasissues
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says, “I think I might be a type O.”
—Submitted by Vincent Gottschalk
Dallas, Texas
A wealthy businessman liked to show his party guests his pool and
say, “If you swim a lap, I will give you $10 million, half of my estate, or my daughter’s hand in marriage. But there’s a shark in the pool.”
One day as he said this, there was a loud splash. A man swam a lap of the pool and got out just as the shark thudded into the wall.
“So, would you like $10 million?”
“No,” the man said. “Half of my estate?” “No,” the man said. “Ah! You want to marry my daughter.”
“No! I want the name of the man who pushed me in!” —Alphausa.org
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