Life in These United States
in these United States
Outside the ladies’ and men’s rooms of a Texas steak house, I found a confused and anxious young woman who sighed with relief when she saw me.
“Oh, I’m so glad you’re here,” she said. “I was afraid to enter. I didn’t know if I was a steer or a heifer.” —Christine Looney Alger, Michigan
During the month of October, our local barbershop offers a discount for children if they come in wearing a Halloween costume.
I suggested to my fiveyear-old that he go dressed in his Spiderman outfit. “Oh, I could never do that,” he said. “Then everyone would know that I’m Spider-man.” —Marilyn Bradfield Massillon, Ohio
My husband surprised me with a night out to celebrate the
anniversary of our first date. I was reminded of the man I fell in love with. We arrived at the theater and learned the movie was playing at a different location a full hour earlier. I was reminded of the man I married. —twitter@goodshewrites
Me, in my teens: This radio station is playing my jams.
Me, in my 20s: This bar is playing my jams.
Me, in my 30s: This grocery store is playing my jams. —twitter@mommajessiec
I’m not a good cook. There, I admit it. But when my stepson came
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to live with us, I really put my best culinary foot forward. One evening, he made me feel so good about the meal I’d prepared when he asked his father to pass
the gravy. Lifting the ladle, my husband asked, “One lump or two?” —Barbara Marshall Chesterfield, Missouri
My mom used to think
LGBT was Internet slang for “Let’s get breakfast together.” —twitter@thot_piece
I say “I have money tied up in investments” to describe returns I haven’t sent back yet. —twitter@lucyj_ford