All in a Day’s WORK
Before Willie Nelson’s longtime harmonica player, Mickey Raphael, officially joined the band, he’d show up at gigs and just start playing. After a while, Willie got confused, Mickey said. “One day, Willie asked Paul English, our drummer and bandleader,
‘What are we paying Mickey?’ And Paul goes, ‘Nothing; he’s just coming to sit in.’
Willie replies, ‘Well, double his salary.’”
—texas monthly
When I arrived at church one Sunday morning, I bumped into our pastor.
“How are things at work?” he asked.
“Father,” I said, “I’m so busy that every morning I make a list of five things that I have to do that day.
If I make it to number three, it’s a good day.”
The pastor nodded knowingly. “I’m the same way with the Ten Commandments.”
—Victor Berrellez Los Angeles, California
My colleague’s daughter called him at work to ask for help on a school project: a time line of her life. He was glad to help. Unfortunately, it went off the rails with the very first
question: “Dad, when did I start walking?”
He answered, “Walking to where?” —Lissette Cuadra Miami, Florida
Scene: Veterinarian’s office …
Customer: Why do you have my dog’s name before my last name on the check-in sheet?
Me: That’s so we know who it belongs to.
Customer: It sounds like I’m married to my dog!
Me: It’s more that we’re trying to say that you’re the pet’s parent.
Customer: Are you saying I gave birth to a dog?
Me: Sorry, the computer prints it this way.
Customer: Then black out the name so nobody thinks I’m married to him! —notalwaysright.com
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At work, I served a little girl some ice cream, and her mom says, “Honey, what do u say?” And she looks me dead in the eyes and says, “I love u.” — @nourabadiii