DEAR ANNIE®
Dear Annie: I am at my wits’ end. I don’t know what to do for my 29-year-old grandson. He needs help, but I don’t know how to help him.
This is what I call a wasted life. He has no motivation to better himself. He has been living at my house for five months. After he got here, he got fired, so he sat here until the end of July doing nothing but sitting in his room playing video games. He sleeps all day, gets up at 5 or 6 p.m. and sits in the garage all night smoking pot.
I finally told him to get a job or move out. He got a super great job but slacks off constantly. He’s going to get fired soon, I know it. He has no money, no health insurance. I’ve tried to get him to go to counseling. I even gave him the number for a counseling group that charges based on your income. I did everything but dial the number, but he won’t do that. I’ve called his dad the last two times he missed work, but I’m not going to do that anymore. Like his dad said, he’s an adult. What can we do?
Today, he stayed up all night and finally went to bed at 11 a.m. He’s supposed to be at work at 1:30. He hates working. He loves acting and has been on a few shows and movies. He seems to have given that up. He also wrote a really great book. The story was good; he asked me to edit it, so I got to read it. His computer was stolen, and he gave up. I’m going to put him out of the house. I don’t know what to do with a wasted life.
Any suggestions? -- Need Help
Dear Need Help: You said it yourself, and so did his father: He’s an adult. Adults don’t get to live rent-free, blow off work and smoke pot in the garage all night. He needs an ultimatum: Either get a job, pay rent and quit smoking -or move out.
It might seem harsh, but this is the only way he will learn real responsibility.
The bright side is that he seems to have wonderful interests and hobbies -- when he takes the time to pursue them. Encourage him to continue acting and writing once he has a day job that allows him to pay the bills.
It sounds like you are very close to your grandson, and the fact that he asked you to edit his books means he respects you and values your opinion. The kindest thing you can do is to encourage him to make something of his life -and stop enabling his self-destructive lifestyle.
Dear Annie: During my pregnancy, I was gifted a bunch of bottles and other baby accessories. My daughter is now 12 weeks old, and we haven’t touched many of the items and don’t anticipate we will.
A friend is expecting her baby in a couple of months. Her pregnancy was recently moved to “very high risk” status. So far the baby is healthy, but from the sound of things, the future is a little uncertain.
We are having this friend and her husband over for dinner next week. I suggested offering all of the baby items to them to see if they want any. My husband isn’t sure what the etiquette is, given that their baby may or may not survive. I definitely don’t want a well-intended gesture to cause extra pain.
What is the appropriate approach here? Should we offer and give them the chance to decide for themselves? Or should we just donate the items elsewhere and leave it be? -- To Donate or Not to Donate
To Donate or Not to Donate: If you’ve been storing these supplies for 12 weeks already, can you hang on to them for another few months? That way, once you have a clearer picture of the baby’s health, you can make an informed decision as to whether you want to offer them.
Best wishes to your friend and her baby.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http:// www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@ creators.com.