How the Grammys Can Save Itself

Ratings are down, but this year’s nominees prove the show might have a chance of redeeming itself. Here’s how. By ROB SHEFFIELD

Let’s face it — last year’s Grammy bash was a historic dud, even before the Sting-Shaggy duet. But never fear — it should be easy to fix this year’s show, especially with such a stellar crew of nominees. This is a chance to bring back the Grammy magic that can only happen with so many legends in one room. So here’s some new rules to make the Grammys rock again.

BRING BACK LL

The Grammys and LL Cool J were a match made in heaven — whenever he hosted, the Grammys were a guaranteed blast. Uncle L can slay in hip-hop throwdowns (like his Adam Yauch tribute with Chuck D, Travis Barker and Tom Morello). But he’s also got the finesse for tricky moments like his graceful Whitney Houston tribute, after she died the weekend of the ceremony. Recent mainstay James Corden is the wrong fit; LL’s a music insider and a fan. Let him rock the bells.

ALL CARDI, ALL THE TIME

Since Cardi B is up for a slew of major awards, it’s simple: Get Cardi into the show whenever possible. She had one of last year’s classic Grammy moments on the red carpet when she said, “Butterflies! In my stomach and vagina!” Let those butterflies soar, Cardi. The world needs you.

LET THE PLAYERS PLAY

What can you say about a year when Taylor Swift has the year’s bestselling album, yet snags exactly as many Grammy noms (one) as the Grateful Dead, Sting and Jimmy Carter? Here’s what you can say: Nobody gives a rat’s ass who wins awards. So phase out the trophies and make more time for music. We watch to see the stars do what they do best. The more music, the better.

DON’T INVITE DJ KHALED

This guy cannot freaking shut up on TV, with his pitifully pompous hypeman bellow and Long Island wedding-DJ schlock. He makes any occasion feel so small-time. So send him an invite for some other event that night, hopefully in Antarctica.

MAKE IT RIGHT WITH LORDE

Last year was a fiasco when they refused to let nominee Lorde do “Green Light” — so she just sat in the audience all night, while we all wondered why she wasn’t singing instead of Shaggy. Academy president Neil Portnow made it worse afterward, saying female artists need “to step up.” Setting aside airtime for Portnow speeches is never a good idea. Pass the mic to Lorde.

GET CHER UP THERE

So what if Cher isn’t nominated? Bring her onstage to belt “Fernando” like she does in Mamma Mia! She helped invent the whole awardshow aesthetic with her fierce Bob Mackie outfits — she could even wear the ensemble she rocked the night she won Best Actress for Moonstruck in 1988. She single-handedly saved the 2010 VMAs when she announced, “I’m the oldest chick with the biggest hair and the tiniest costume. I have shoes older than most of these nominees!”

LET COUNTRY BE COUNTRY

One of last year’s most humiliating gaffes was the insult to country — Maren Morris, Eric Church and the Brothers Osborne forced to sing an Eric Clapton song as their tribute to the Las Vegas massacre victims. Like there aren’t enough country songs about mourning dead people?

ELTON’S ALWAYS RIGHT

One of the few bright spots last year: Elton John teaming up with Miley Cyrus to croon “Tiny Dancer.” Let him team up with Young Thug (who just dropped his own “Rocket Man” remix) or A Tribe Called Quest (who sampled “Bennie and the Jets” and stole the 2017 Grammys show). Hell, let him do whatever he wants. He’s a never-fail.