BIG-SCREEN BALLERS
As ‘Space Jam: A New Legacy’ hits theaters on July 16th, we look back at some of the all-time great cinematic performances by NBA stars . . . and a few that bricked
10. Shaquille O’Neal
Kazaam 1996
Google Kazaam and a top autofill is “one of the worst movies ever?” Like its seven-foot-one-inch star, it’s up there! Shaq plays a genie who emerges from a boombox to grant a whiny 12-year-old three wishes. One is for candy, the others involve helping the kid find his “real” dad. For some reason, Da Brat and Spinderella show up, but not before the titular Kazaam — “a rappin’ genie with an attitude,” per one tag line — spits a bunch of truly terrible rhymes.
9. Gheorghe Muresan
My Giant 1998
In this movie inspired by André the Giant, Billy Crystal plays a sleazy American talent agent who stumbles on the seven-foot-seveninch Romanian import after the agent’s sports car flies off the road in Muresan’s native country. His instinct: Put the big man in pictures and make him a star! Like the beloved André, Muresan’s sweet and gentle demeanor is endearing. But when it comes to screen presence, this might be the first time he ever came up short.
8. Wilt Chamberlain Conan the Destroyer 1984
Aside from cameos, Wilt the Stilt’s acting career basically began and ended with this sequel to Conan the Barbarian, which sees him face off against a spear-wielding Grace Jones and the well-oiled torso of Arnold Schwarzenegger. In a flowing wig, Chamberlain is believable as the warrior Bombaata and nimble with fight choreography. Maybe
Hollywood came knockin’ again, but Wilt’s trailer was too busy rockin’.
7. Julius Erving The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh 1979
Good luck figuring out what’s going on in this “astrological disco-sports extravaganza” (as an ad raved), which features funky musical performances and montages of Dr. J hoopin’ in slo-mo. He plays the star of a perennially awful pro team whose management turns to an astrologer to help them turn things around. Her advice: Cobble together a roster composed entirely of Pisces (actual sign of Dr. J). Has anyone suggested this tactic to James Dolan?
6. Michael Jordan
Space Jam 1996
His Airness gives a motley crew of Looney Tunes characters, from Daffy Duck to Pepé Le Pew, the Secret Stuff they need to defeat the evil Monstars of Moron Mountain in this hybrid of live action and animation. Jordan’s acting against a green screen is impressive, though he had plenty of experience early in his career playing with teammates who weren’t really there.
5. LeBron James
Trainwreck 2015
As a square, selfabsorbed version of himself, King James earns some of the biggest laughs in this rom-com starring Amy Schumer and Bill Hader. LeBron plays best friend to Hader’s star sports doctor, Aaron, dispensing key advice — sometimes in the form of “Gold Digger” lyrics — as Aaron begins dating Schumer’s louche journalist Amy. Best running gag: that James is a cheapskate.
4. Kyrie Irving
Uncle Drew 2018
In this feature film spawned by an ad, Kyrie Irving reprised his title role from Pepsi Max shorts that saw him don old-man makeup to show up to public courts, where he (and, later, his all-star friends) would trounce the locals. With a cast of Hall of Famers like Reggie Miller, plus comic actors like Nick Kroll and J.B. Smoove, the whole thing is way more fun than it has any business being. MVP goes to Irving’s raspy septuagenarian patter: “Don’t reach, youngblood!”
3. Kevin Garnett
Uncut Gems 2019
KG plays himself in the Safdie brothers’ adrenaline-soaked New York thriller, but this is no cameo. He’s so natural as all-star “Kevin Garnett,” who gets mixed up with second-rate Diamond District hustlers, you almost forget the ex-Celtics forward was a real NBA champ. Though surely he’d never entrust his 2008 ring to someone as shady as Adam Sandler’s jeweler Howard.
2. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
Airplane! 1980
Kareem played a villain in Bruce Lee’s final film, The Game of Death, but his work as “co-pilot Roger Murdock” (a.k.a. Abdul-Jabbar trying to go incognito in a pilot’s uniform) is iconic. The six-time NBA MVP gives a master class in side-eye as young cockpit visitor Joey regurgitates his dad’s complaints that Kareem doesn’t get back on D. “Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court every night for 48 minutes!” he sneers. Roger that, Roger.
1. Ray Allen
He Got Game 1998
Ray Ray brings his A game in this Spike Lee film, giving a moody performance as high school basketball phenom Jesus Shuttleworth, who’s deciding whether to go to college or turn pro just as his dad (Denzel Washington) is released on parole after several years in prison for killing Jesus’ mom. A tense father-son battle builds throughout the movie to a climactic oneon-one, where someone gets dunked on — we’ll Allen let you guess who.