MAKE AN EPIC PILGRIMAGE TO SEESOMETHING TOTALLY STUPID

Some of life’s noblest road trips are the ridiculous ones. Once in a lifetime, it is your destiny to flee the day-to-day drudgery and go on a quest. And remember, the most pointless quests are the most personal. So hit the road and follow your dipshit bliss. Go find Ronnie James Dio’s grave. The McDonald’s bathroom in Woody Guthrie’s hometown. The World’s Largest Chest of Drawers in High Point, North Carolina. The future birthplace of James T. Kirk in Riverside, Iowa. A corner in Winslow, Arizona.

The spot where a piece of Sputnik crashed in Manitowoc, Wisconsin, in 1962. Kneel in reverence in the parking lot of Dollywood wearing a blond wig. Take a friend. Or just make some. Over the course of your life, you need to go see the majestic sights of this hot and salty planet: the Redwoods, the Louvre, shit like that. But don’t sleep on the tawdry pleasures, too. Your adventure is out there. It’s not going to come looking for you.