Funny noises are not funny
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Very rarely does anything positive follow: “I caught my 13-year-old son ...” Except on this occasion — at least, in my eyes.
Recently, I wandered into my son’s room. He had been quietly watching TV by himself for at least two hours — which caused a bit of concern. He usually can’t sit still for more than 15 minutes. “What are you watching?” He didn’t divert his glaze from the TV while saying “The Simpsons.” He later told me he loved the show, and had become a devoted viewer.
Another proud father moment.
Many of those who read this column probably don’t watch this television program because it’s a cartoon. Fortunately, I don’t read this column.
To truly “get” the appeal of “The Simpsons,” you can’t simply watch it. You have to pay attention — as my son had already learned. Much of the brilliant satire and humor is found in the periphery — on signs in the background, scribbled on T-shirts in the corner of the screen, or in fast-paced dialogue that takes a few seconds to sink in.
A prime example of this is seen at the start of each episode, where Bart Simpson, the mischievous 10-year-old son, is writing on a chalkboard, obviously as some type of punishment at school. The shot of Bart writing the same sentence over and over is shown very briefly, but to the very attentive eye, often results in a comical payoff.
I recently discovered a listing of “Bart’s Chalkboard Quotes” — all in one place. I have chosen a few for your my amusement:
I will not speculate on how hot a teacher used to be
They are laughing at me, not with me
I will not yell ‘she’s dead’ during roll call
No one is interested in my underpants
Beans are neither fruit nor musical
Non-flammable is not a challenge
Adding ‘just kidding’ doesn’t make it OK to insult the principal
I will only provide a urine sample when asked
A person’s a person no matter how Ralph
When I slept in class, it was not to help Leonardo DiCaprio I will not eat things for money I will not call my teacher ‘hot cakes’ I will not xerox my butt I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten Tar is not a plaything I will not trade pants with others
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
Beer in a milk carton is not milk I will finish what I sta I will not charge admission to the bathroom
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
Does any kid still do this anymore? I hope so — for comedy’s sake.