Former lover does not know he could pass on a genetic disorder to a child

Dear Abby: Ten years ago, I had an affair with a married man that resulted in a pregnancy and then a miscarriage. I was also married at the time. Pathology testing revealed that the child had a rare genetic disorder inherited on the paternal side. My husband’s genetic test indicated that he was not a carrier. The revelation led to my admission of the affair and our divorce. I didn’t tell the other man. I recently found out he is divorced and remarried to a younger woman. I’m torn about telling him he is a carrier for that disorder.

I do not want to reopen this shameful period of my life, so my instinct is to leave it alone, but I feel obligated to let him know. Should I contact him?

— Torn In Mississippi

Dear Abby: Decades ago, while I was a college student, a friend took the time and interest to help me through a severe bout of depression. She likely saved my life. She had no special training, just a kind heart and a willing ear. At the time, I didn’t realize the profound impact she had made. Our lives diverged. Recently, I finally decided to reach out and thank her, but unfortunately, an online search revealed her 10-year-old obituary. From the notes in the guest book, I discovered she had suffered many personal hardships.

Because I was not able to help her as she helped me, I want to pass along two important lessons I learned: (1) Thank people and tell them you care before it is too late, and (2) be willing to lend a hand and an ear to someone in need.— With Love In Minnesota

Dear With Love: I’m sorry for the loss of your friend.