JEANNE PHILLIPS

DEAR ABBY: My father, although a wellmeaning and caring man, often speaks before he thinks. The way he phrases things can come across as harsh, uncaring or rude. My husband is a sensitive person who was badly bullied in his youth, so he doesn’t feel comfortable around my father and takes most things he says as insults. I have tried talking to both of them without success and even involved my stepmom.

My father and stepmom are coming for a visit, and I can’t get it through my father’s or my husband’s heads that the only way for them to get on the same page is to talk. My husband can’t understand why I see common ground between him and my father, and my father is too oblivious to realize the depth of the problem. The two most important men in my life cannot communicate. What can I do?

-- IN THE MIDDLE IN FLORIDA

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Continue to encourage them to talk to each other, but if you’re not successful, accept that your father is an insensitive loose cannon who won’t change. Limit your parents’ visits and keep them short. When you know they’re scheduled to be in town, help your husband plan to be out of the house as often as possible. And, if that doesn’t work, arrange to visit your parents alone rather than have them visit you. As much as you might want the two men in your life to get along, it just may not be possible.

P.S. If the bullying your husband experienced as a child has affected his other relationships as an adult, he should consider getting therapy. It might change his life for the better.