Lovin’ life and livin’ love
NSHEPPARD ow that the glitter has settled, the chocolate has been devoured and the bloom has begun to fade from the roses of Valentine’s Day, I hope you find yourself still basking in the warm glow that comes from celebrating love with another.
The ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said, “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
Isn’t that a lovely way to think about love? After reading my recent column that related two roller skating stories from my youth, my aunt reminded me of the first time that roller skates were a key factor in one of my life stories, and that story is perfect proof of the courage that love requires.
I was in the first grade at Stone Mountain Christian School and I had a tremendous crush on a boy named John. He was quite the heartthrob; I was not the only girl in the class who had taken a shine to him. So strong were my feelings and so wide the field of competition that I knew I had to find a way to stand out from the pack. I had to find a way to impress him, and quick.
I took my leap and later that day I came home and reported my conundrum to my mother. I told her that I couldn’t figure out why he didn’t seem to like me back. I had told him that I could roller skate and that I drank buttermilk, and yet he didn’t seem impressed? I can still remember standing in front of him on the sidewalk in front of the school and saying exactly that. Now that took courage.
I die laughing every time I think about what I determined to be my most impressive traits. Roller skating was a continuing theme, apparently. I know you will be shocked to learn that John chose another girl to be his sweetheart and, while I was temporarily crushed, I went on to find numerous other boys to turn my affections towards over the years.
I mean, a girl as talented as that has no other option than to pick herself up, brush herself off, and move on down the line in search of the boy who can truly appreciate her grand virtues.
Affairs of the heart require a great deal of strength and courage. St. Valentine himself became famous for his patronage of love due to great acts of courage that he invoked to promote the kind of love the church felt was right and good, in opposition to the edict of the emperor, Claudius.
Claudius believed that his young soldiers would be more ferocious and dedicated warriors if they were unwed, so he declared that young people would not be allowed to marry. The culture at the time was fairly promiscuous and Claudius was not a fan of the church, but St. Valentine saw an opportunity to promote the church’s teaching by finding ways to secretly marry young couples.
Once he was caught he was sentenced to death by three methods: first beating, then stoning, and finally beheading.
Talk about courage in the name of love!
Now that we are beyond the great day of honoring St. Valentine and celebrating the romantic version of love, I thought it would be a good idea to turn our thoughts to other ways in which we might muster that strength and courage in our practice of different forms of love all throughout the year.
Home is where the heart is, and yet no one tests the courage of our hearts more than our family. No matter how angry they make us, with a little bit of strength of virtue, we can pretty well always find a way to forgive them.
If that isn’t true for you, try and muster the courage to mend those fences, there is no love greater than that of the people who have known you all of your life.
You can’t pick your family but you can choose your friends. They are the closest thing to family you will ever find, so choose well. No matter the fate of your romantic affairs, your friends are always there to receive your grief, even when you don’t deserve it. Be courageous in how you guard those friendships. They are the people who love you in spite of yourself, at least you better hope they do.
Perhaps the love that is the hardest to muster is the love we hold for ourselves. The world is a cruel and ugly place and we are easily and constantly reminded of the ways that we can disappoint. It is impossible to make everyone happy, so it is critical that we always find joy and pride and love in ourselves. When I am feeling down on myself, I think back on that silly girl who was bursting with pride for her roller skating prowess and culinary acumen in her love of buttermilk. I was lovin’ my life and dying to share it with another. While I know the rejection was painful, I will never regret having put myself out there in that way.
Finally, the love we are least likely to seek is the form of love that requires that we find something to love in those we like the least. We are very good at finding things to hate in each other, and we are quite courageous in our willingness to express our disregard, but when we can find the strength to say, “I don’t like a lot of things about you, but I love you anyway, and that is what matters most” we will have tapped into the greatest form of love there is. Love thine enemy, and you will be as close as you can get to truly lovin’ life and livin’ love.
May our hearts stay full and open as we encounter each other, dear friends.
Be courageous of heart and see what wonderful things might unfold.