What’s in a ‘naim’
There’s nothing like the holiday season to remind us of the warmth and richness of family traditions. For me, though, some of the very best ones are born out of silly and unpredictable happenstance, because they always make for the best stories.
Once upon a time, when my former husband Joe and I were married, we were given a special wedding gift that was the continuation of a lovely family tradition.
His family were members of the Collins Memorial United Methodist Church on Bolton Road in Atlanta and one of their fellow parishioners, Mrs. Erma Warren, had a tradition of giving handmade personalized Christmas stockings to church friends in the event of marriage or the birth of a new baby.
The stockings were lovingly crocheted by Mrs. Warren’s mother and they were all the same bright red, green and white design, with a cute Santa Claus stitched into the leg of the stocking and the recipient’s name cross stitched in white yarn across the top.
I was thrilled to receive the stocking that made me truly feel a part of the family as mine became another addition to the matching set that spanned three generations.
Unfortunately I, it turns out, was the last of the new additions to the family to receive one because Mrs. Warren’s mother passed away before the last three of the grandchildren were born.
Nate, Clay and our daughter Ramsey were born into the family, each a year after the last, and were the only ones that didn’t get these special stockings.
I always thought that was sad and imagined that in my spare time I might get around to learning how to crochet and then how to perfectly copy the stocking design and make stockings for each of them.
It was the era of Martha Stewart, what can I say. Of course it never happened, but the intentions were pure.
Years later, after Joe and I had divorced, it occurred to me that I should change the name on my stocking and turn it over to Ramsey so that she could continue the tradition that felt inappropriate for me, the prodigal wife.
I was so excited by the epiphany! Both of our names had six letters so I knew it would be easy to simply change one letter at a time. No crocheting skills were required, all I had to do was stitch little white Xs. I figured it would take me just a couple of hours to change M-O-N-I-C-A to R-A-M-S-E-Y. Easy peasy Christmas morning surprise.
I was quite proud of my mother- of- the- year plan and got started late on Christmas Eve so she would have no idea it was coming.
It started out easy enough, as the best laid plans usually do. I carefully removed the three unneeded legs of the M and used its first leg to build the R. It was going even faster than I thought it might, so I imagine I took a moment to refill my wine glass or whatever self-rewarding beverage I was enjoying on that festive evening.
As I started to plan the structure of the A in place of the O, I looked ahead and realized that I had made one fatal miscalculation. There was no way that I could fit an M in the meager real estate occupied by the I, it was way too wide.
Boy, oh boy, I thought. I was going to have to take the whole name off and recalculate the pattern for her sweet name to fit, a task far beyond my late night holiday weary frame of mind.
I decided that I would have to leave it as was and just explain to her and her dad what I had planned. I would easily find time to fix it before the next year’s Christmas morning, right?
What was that we were saying about the best laid plans? They oft go astray, as the saying goes, so of course I never got around to fixing the name on Ramsey’s stocking. Several years ago I joked that I would try again to get to it, but she balked and said, “No, don’t change it! I like it that way because it is the way it has always been!”
And so, in the eyes of Santa, Ramsey is and apparently forever shall be “Ronica.”
Isn’t that the way it is with traditions?
There is a funny part of the show Gilmore Girls that proves the point. Ramsey and I have always loved the show and the way that it compared to our own lives. In this particular part of the show, Lorelai has finally married her high school sweetheart, Christopher, who happens to be her daughter Rory’s father.
It feels as though their nontraditional little family has finally come full circle and, as they prepare for their first Christmas together, Christopher surprises them with fancy matching store-bought stockings, the kind you picture being suited for Victorian royalty. Lorelai and Rory look at them and hold up their pitiful worn cheap stockings that they have always used and say, “We don’t need those, we have these.”
While there is no logic other than tradition in the choice, it makes perfect sense that they would prefer those seemingly imperfect vessels of years of memories.
What unusual traditions play out each holiday in your family? I love hearing these stories from my friends, and I know that you probably have your own. As we celebrate in the midst of this unusual year, may the quirky gifts of your seasonal traditions remind you that, as much as life changes, there are some things that will forever stay the same.
Happy holidays to you and yours from Ronica and me.