Daughter is angry after mother takes ex-husband’s side in custody dispute

Dear Abby: I got divorced a year ago. Before it became final, there were many court appearances. My husband told my mother we were divorcing because I was unfaithful, which is true. What he didn’t say was I felt neglected, abandoned and unwanted, all things he knew because I had discussed them with him and he ignored me.

Either way, she is MY MOTHER, not his, and she showed up with him to a couple of court dates to vouch for him to have custody of our kids! I was sad, mortified and angry. It happened with no warning. Mother and I had not severed contact. As a matter of fact, she had recently spent a week with me and our kids in our home.

Our relationship had never been great, but now it’s over. It has been a year since we last spoke, and I feel no remorse, no sadness, no regrets, only anger that she turned against her own daughter. Regardless of what I did, I am her child. As a mother, I would never betray my children, no matter what they did. I was awarded full physical and legal custody of both of them, by the way. Is there something wrong with me for not feeling sad or missing her and being so angry after an entire year has passed?

— Numb in New Jersey

Dear Numb: Wrong? In your words, your relationship with your mother had never been great. That she appeared in court as a surprise witness for your husband must have been a terrible shock. I assume your mother has not tried to apologize for what she did. If that’s true, there is nothing wrong with your justifiable anger unless it’s eating at you and negatively affecting your quality of life. If that is what’s happening, talking with a licensed psychotherapist will help you.