Woman with school ahead considers commiting to off-and-on boyfriend

Dear Abby: My now-ex and I had a complicated, four-year on-again, off-again relationship. I finally ended it five months ago, but I’m still not sure whether I made the right choice.

Every guy I date I compare to him. It’s hard to imagine myself with anyone else. We were so similar, and we made so many plans together. Our families weren’t crazy about us being together. I backed away many times because I wasn’t sure of us in the long term.

Maybe it was because

I’m only 22 and scared of committing forever, or because I want to be a doctor and have years of schooling ahead of me. Our relationship was always very hot and passionate, but it turned very cold sometimes.

I’m confused. Did I leave for the hope of something better or a fear of commitment? Or was it because

I’m young and still trying to figure out my life and felt he was holding me back?

— Second Thoughts In

Arizona

Dear Second Thoughts: Your life is just beginning. If you are sincere about your desire to be a doctor, you may have to postpone other aspects of your life until you are closer to your goal. The last thing you need in the near term is the distraction of a hot and passionate/cold and distant romance.

You mentioned that you backed away “many times” because you were unsure about the two of you in the long term. Please stop tormenting yourself. When you meet Mr. Right, you won’t have those second thoughts because you will know the relationship is right.

Happy New Year To My Asian Readers Who Celebrate The Lunar New Year: The Year of the Ox begins today. I wish a happy, healthy new year to all who celebrate this holiday. People born in the Year of the Ox are steadfast and determined.

— Love, Abby