Rome News-Tribune

Father won’t spend money or energy helping young adult care for parents


Dear Abby: I’m 23 years old and caring for my two grandparen­ts. My dad, their only son, lives with them, but avoids them at all costs, no matter how much I beg him to help. He causes more problems than he solves. I graduated from college last year, but because of all the doctor appointmen­ts, nurse visits and the attention they need, there’s no way I can work.

I’m going crazy! They don’t want to leave their home and won’t pay me or anyone else to care for them, but they need roundthe-clock care. How can I be a young adult and fulltime caregiver?

— In Difficult Circumstan­ces

Dear I.D.C.: You can’t. The longer you allow this to continue, the more trapped you will become. Contact senior services and inform them about what’s going on with your dad and your grandparen­ts. Then find a job.

As to your father, tell him that if he doesn’t accept at least some of the responsibi­lity for his parents’ care, you will report him to adult protective services for neglect.

Dear Abby: My husband of six months (whom I do not live with) refuses to agree not to contact his ex-girlfriend­s. He refuses to send me copies of emails or texts from them, and won’t agree to allow me to send a polite, but firm, email requesting they stop contacting him, even though his therapist said it was OK to send. What should I do?

— Distrustfu­l

in New York

Dear Distrustfu­l:

The person you married clearly isn’t ready for the responsibi­lities of being a husband. Ask him if he’s willing to meet with a licensed marriage and family therapist.

If he is unwilling, talk to a lawyer about an annulment.

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