Welcoming, loving environment makes coming out unnecessary

Dear Abby: I have a beautiful, smart, empathetic, funny, amazing daughter. When she was very young, I thought she may be gay. On the off chance she was, I tried to let her know, without letting on that I thought she might be, that I would support a child of mine if that were the case. Over the years she had occasional boyfriends, so I thought maybe I was mistaken.

She has been without a boyfriend for the past five years now. She is fiercely feminist and has many lesbian friends. I had been kicking around the idea of asking her if she is bi, then finally asked her two weeks ago. Without batting an eye she said yes; she thought it was kind of obvious. I then asked why she never came out to me, since she knew I would accept it with open arms. Her response was one I did not expect, but was valid and should be the norm. She said, “Mom, heterosexuals don’t announce that they are heterosexual, so why should I announce my status?”

I am glad she was never afraid of my reaction. Perhaps raising children with respect for all lives can help people in the LGBTQ community to no longer feel a need to “come out,” because their orientation is a fact of life they are born with (like the color of their hair, the pigment in their eyes, etc.). It is important to provide a safe haven for your child and to teach and model inclusion.

— Loving Mom in the Northwest

Dear Mom: I couldn’t agree more. Thank you for an upper of a letter, which I am printing on National Coming Out Day. This is the annual day of awareness encouraging LGBTQ individuals to acknowledge who they are IF they feel the need to. You and your daughter are lucky to have each other. “Loving mom,” indeed.