Help is available for anyone who’s being impacted by sex addiction

Dear Abby: I’m writing regarding “Broken-hearted in Oregon” (Jan. 13), whose partner is pursuing recovery from porn addiction, and “Fading in Washington” (Feb. 1), whose husband is likely watching porn, is displaying narcissistic tendencies and belittling his wife’s appearance and age. Please suggest these women seek appropriate support to deal with it. If either of the men were abusing drugs or alcohol or gambling excessively, you would have told the spouse to seek out a 12-step group like Al-anon. Well, there are support groups for sex and porn addicts, as well as their partners.

My ex-husband kept his sex and porn addictions from me during our marriage. But after one affair (that I knew of) and twice discovering his constant use of the internet to view porn and enter chat rooms, I realized the man I thought I knew had a secret life that did not include intimacy with me. It left me shattered, disillusioned and horrified.

There is great shame associated with this “disease.” I was fortunate to find two 12-step programs for co-dependents of sex addicts — S-anon and COSA, a group in which I continue to engage although my marriage is over. There is help out there for partners like me. I have learned a great deal about the conditions that set the stage for future addiction, and also my own co-dependency that led me into that relationship and caused me to turn a blind eye to what was happening. Please encourage your readers to seek information about porn and sex addiction and learning more about COSA and S-anon, as well as consult a therapist who recognizes and understands this problem. — Recovering in Connecticut

Dear Recovering: Thank you for writing.