Advice for overcoming chronic grief this holiday season

The holiday season is upon us, but many of us feel we have little enough to celebrate. Our rituals — weddings, graduations and even funerals — have been interrupted. People have lost jobs, homes and beloved family members. It can feel as though the pain and stress will never end.

How are we supposed to celebrate holidays in an atmosphere like this?

Seemingly limitless frustration and worry leads to a condition known as chronic grief. In the last few months, sadness about our radically changed lives has hung over us like a thick, dense fog. We have lost all our usual markers. We cannot tell where we are, or feel sure of where we are going.

The first step to solving any problem is to identify and acknowledge it. After all, only the dragons we run from can chase us. By facing them, the worst is over.

The holiday season, no matter how you celebrate it, is about hope, love and rebirth. It is a joyous acknowledgement of illumination against the darkness, hence the tradition of holiday candles and lights. It has been so for millennia. And we have managed to celebrate holidays during economic depression, famine, disease, war and countless other disasters. We always persevere. The good news is we can expect that the inconvenience, frustration and horror of COVID-19 will be conquered by a vaccine in a few short months. Better still, not only can we become better through all of this, we have an opportunity to teach our children about resiliency, love and compassion as never before.

What next? Here it is by the numbers:

1. Stop worrying. Worry is just praying for what you don’t want. Put your energy to some productive use, such as taking time for and finding new ways to soothe yourself. Meditation and exercising are good tools for this purpose.

2. Practice gratitude. It’s not difficult — just begin or end each day, preferably both, by stating or writing what you are grateful for. You can begin with anything, such as, “I am so happy and grateful to be alive.” As you do this, you will find your list gets longer and longer, and after 21 days your brain is rewired in a wonderful way.

3. Recognize that this holiday season will be different. Probably less fraught and more intimate, allowing more time for meaningful conversation and introspection.

4. The thing that gives true and lasting joy is a sense of purpose. This year more people and animals than ever need help, all over these United States. What can you and your family do to offer assistance?

5. Innovate! Change your rituals to honor those who have passed or are absent for whatever reason.

Remember, this time is filled with amazing gifts for all. And one of them is the gift of finding out who you truly are, instead of who you would like to think you are. It’s only under stress that we discover what’s really under the hood. And if we don’t like what we find, we have a wonderful opportunity to change things.

Never forget, you are better than you think, and stronger than you know this holiday season — and always.