Dear Abby Trust issues remnants of toxic relationships

DEAR ABBY » Marriage is considered to be imperative in my religion and culture. I’m 29 and still not married. I have commitment and trust issues with guys. I have been in only three relationships my entire life.

Every time things are going well, I tend to selfsabotage and make excuses to push the guy away. I start arguments for no reason or create problems or issues that I fabricate out of thin air. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that my past relationships were toxic and tumultuous. They were cheaters and liars.

I have carried that baggage into my relationship with my new partner by not believing a lot of the things he says. For example, I doubt his feelings for me. When things are going smoothly between us, I always take five or 10 steps back. It isn’t fair that I put him through the wringer, but I don’t know any other way. How can I get past this continuous issue?

— Problem Trusting

in California

DEAR PROBLEM TRUSTING »

The most effective way to do that would be to talk about this destructive pattern with a licensed mental health adviser. If you do, it may help you rid yourself of the “baggage” you are carrying, understand why you chose the men you did before, and make it easier to evaluate any new relationships that start to develop.

Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U. S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054- 0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)