Man wants to quit trying after wife’s miscarriages

DEAR ABBY » My husband and I have had a total of six miscarriages — one before our miracle son and five since we began trying for a second child more than two years ago.

I always wanted a boatload of children, but my husband and I agreed on two before we got married. Now he wants to call it quits. He doesn’t want to keep trying because he sees the emotional toll each loss has on me. I want to get a second opinion from a fertility specialist who helped a friend with similar issues.

The only way I know how to describe the way I feel is that it feels as though “someone” is missing from our family. I ache and long for and miss that person, even though I’ve never met them. I know deep in my soul, that they are supposed to be here. Missing them doesn’t mean I love my husband and son any less. But as much as I love those two, I also miss that person. What should my husband and I do?

— Challenged in Texas

DEAR CHALLENGED »

Please accept my heartfelt sympathy. Clearly you have been through a wrenching time, and your loving husband is reluctant to see you continue to suffer as you have been. You and your husband should talk to the fertility specialist who helped your friend. However, if more treatment is unsuccessful, it will be time for you to seek a referral to a licensed psychotherapist who can help you cope with your disappointment and loss.

Because you can’t escape the feeling that someone is missing, perhaps you might consider using a surrogate, fostering or adopting a child who needs a loving home and family.