Choose friendswho intimidate you— in a goodway

When you meet Oprah, you stand a little taller.

You’re present. You listen.

Yeah, you may be nervous and even say some dumb stuff, but you also rise to the occasion.

It’s partly from watching and admiring her on TV, and partly because of her gravitas. She radiates good vibes and commands the room “in a nice way,” one of my friends tells me. She has a way of making you genuinely want to be your best.

To be clear, I haven’t met Oprah (thus far), but I know people who’ve worked with her, and as I’ve reflected on their strikingly similar accounts, one thing stands out: We all need people in our lives who make us feel nervous … in a good way.

We all need people who are “beating” us. Folks who are more successful, more magnetic, more truthful, patient, wise, self-aware … (insert any and positive quality here).

This isn’t about accolades, name-dropping or any particular accomplishments. It’s about moving toward people who implicitly challenge us to be better.

Sure, most people we come across aren’t billionaire founders of multimedia empires, but there’s a universal sensation that arises when we meet people we look up to — and I think that’s something to pursue.

Seeking and surrounding ourselves with highquality people is one of the most powerful choices we can make. It’s inspiring, and it gently guides us to grow and self-improve.

That’s not to say it’s always an easy choice.

It can be threatening and unnerving to be around folks who’ve got it goin’ on. Sometimes our instinct is to shrink away or even pick the other apart.

But that robs everyone of so many possibilities. So I say lean in.

A little intimidated by someone? Cool — get closer.

As for the folks already in our lives, I think every relationship has something valuable to teach us — some bonds are deeper and longer lasting than others, and it’s always a good time to keep our hearts open for new bonds with folks who inspire us.

Connections may have to be via social media, Zoom or some other type of tech, but, hey, whatever works.

Let’s keep eyes open for the Oprahs in our midst — for anyone who gives us some butterflies.

And let’s soar higher together.

Marci Izard Sharif is an author, yoga teacher, meditation facilitator and mother. In “Feeling Matters,” she writes about self-love, sharing self-care tools, stories and resources that center around knowing and being kind to yourself. For her classes and more, go to marcisharif.com.

Adam Bettcher / Getty Images Let’s keep our eyes open for the Oprahs in our midst, those people who implicitly challenge us to be better.

MARCI SHARIF Feeling Matters