Fatherhood is a timeless job built on a sacred institution

On Father’s Day, I often think of my own father, and the many years I rode to school with him on his commute to his civil service job at Fort Sam Houston. I will always remember that time and recall his encouragement of my school activities. Always supportive, always an example. And, of course, as a father, I think of my own children — Teresa, Mercedes and John Paul — who along with my wife, Mary Alice, are the most important people in my life.

Fatherhood is a sacred institution, and we know this because of the frequency with which it is highlighted in the Bible. Many of our faith traditions refer to Adam as the first father of mankind. The Bible is effusive in its attention to Abraham, who is today referred to as the father of the Abrahamic faiths: Christianity, Judaism, and Islam. We also know from the Bible of the relationship between two great kings, father and son. King David wrote the Psalms as lyrical praise to God and his son Solomon wrote Proverbs, full of the guidance that marks him as one of the wisest men in biblical tradition. The Christian tradition teaches the story of St. Joseph, who was charged with the earthly duties of fatherhood for young Jesus as they worked with their hands as carpenters. When Jesus taught us the prayer that encapsulates his core message, it began with the words “Our Father,” and that is the name we give to that modern prayer.

So fatherhood is important spiritually and historically. It is also important biologically and sociologically. For fathers, it speaks of lineage, the transmission of DNA, and the conveyance of experience. For children, it speaks of family and tradition, life lessons, and carrying forward family values. The responsibilities of fatherhood can extend beyond direct biological ties. We know of stepparents, grandparents, coaches, clergy, teachers, uncles and others who serve as father figures. Fathers and their children teach each other. Fathers learn things they never knew before parenthood, and children learn some of the most important lessons in life — spoken and unspoken, intentional and subconscious.

For those children reflecting on Father’s Day, I ask you take a careful look at the father in your life. This person had a background before you were born. He was young once and went through the difficulties of adolescence. At some point he met your mother and they had a family. The man you call “Dad” worked hard, strove, struggled and suffered disappointments. But always has had in mind the best for you.

Being a father can be a difficult road, but what keeps many a father going is trying to accomplish the most he can for his family — and that means his children. Your father is not perfect. He has doubts, flaws, and weaknesses. Some father-child relationships are fraught with difficulties, breakdowns of communication, and even estrangement. But the bonds are undeniable and it is never too late to try to reconnect them. It is never too late to say: “Thank you for all you did for me. I love you.”

To the fathers reading, I hope you are able to communicate with each of your children, and remember how you taught them the most basic lessons of early life: how to eat with utensils, walk, tie a shoe, ride a bicycle, look both ways before crossing the street. When accomplished men and women so often speak of their fathers as the most important male figure in their lives, we fathers have to remember that it is a role to be earned over a lifetime.

You become that person by listening, not just directing or lecturing, but listening. It is important to empathize, put yourself in your children’s shoes no matter their age and try to understand the particular difficulties they encounter.

There will come a time when your children will see you as older and no longer the paragon of strength and perfection. That’s why people refer to those baggy jeans that men wear as “dad jeans” and that’s why when a man develops a slight paunch later in life the resulting profile is called a “dad bod.” Even then you will have a special place in your children’s lives. One day you will find you have to lean on your children as your own strength begins to play out and they extend an arm. You will know then that your legacy can only be continued through the good works of the children you helped raise.

So, fathers, today is the day to say: “I am here for you no matter what else happens in life. I love you.”

All these observations are personal, one-on-one. But they matter in the larger picture. If we are to build a society of individuals with responsible values for the future, we need good fathers. If we are to raise the generations of people that can be the foundations of a just world, we need good fathers.

When accomplished men and women so often speak of their fathers as the most important male figure in their lives, we fathers have to remember that it is a role to be earned over a lifetime.