Good? Bad? Odds are even at deli

Go all-in at lunch and dessert; at dinner, though, the gamble doesn’t pay off

There’s this thing I do when I’m reviewing a restaurant where I list everything I ate and sort it into a “liked it” or “didn’t like it” pile. It’s a shorthand way to track what I think of a place before I dig into the details.

With The Hayden, the Jewishstyle deli and diner that opened on Broadway near Alamo Heights in October, the list came out exactly even, half good and half bad. Thinking about the “Seinfeld” references on the menu — Elaine’s Big Salad, and the Costanza and Larry David sandwiches come to mind — I had an epiphany: Just like Jerry in the “Seinfeld” episode where he always wins and loses exactly the same amount, The Hayden is Even-Steven.

It’d be funny if it weren’t frustrating, because nobody wants to play the odds when dinner’s on the line — or lunch, or breakfast. The Hayden does it all, plus brunch on the weekends, playing off a greatest hits collection from diners and delis in the Northeast, Chicago and Florida: bagels and lox, chopped liver, potato latkes, pastrami sandwiches, stroganoff, meatloaf, even matzo ball soup.

At The Hayden, Even-Steven played his game with stakes big and small.

On the smaller side, it meant two elements on the same dish canceling out each other, like the pile of over-salted arugula that swamped a competently grilled sirloin steak. Moving up the scale, it meant two dishes clashing on the same table, like a bowl of rich, Jersey-grade chopped liver with endearing iron flavor surrendering its goodwill to a sloppy plate of pastrami poutine fries with a scorched-earth salt assault.

But Even-Steven played his cruelest game when the stakes were high.

At dinner, the meatloaf was stiff, burned at the edges and smothered by an acrid, overcooked tomato sauce, and a honey mustard salmon fell apart in dry, beige splinters that neither honey nor mustard survived.

But at lunch, pastrami was the guest of honor at a soup-andsandwich party, playing tart sauerkraut off lush Swiss cheese between slices of grilled rye. The Hayden brines and smokes its own pastrami like a good brisket, like a deli descended from the

Hill Country heavens.

A big bowl of matzo ball soup radiated with proper chicken

stock, a bounty of pulled chicken and veggies, and fat globes of matzo with a textural alchemy like tamales and dumplings rolled into one. That sandwich and that soup? Lunch accomplished.

But Even-Steven’s roll of the dice clattered across most of the menu, with snake eyes following sevens over and over.

At breakfast, a less-salty version of the pastrami gravy that wrecked the fries sanctified a pair of hearty Southern biscuits. At lunch, the Larry David sandwich brought Nova lox and smoked redfish together in harmony on a sweet challah bun. That lox, cured with beets for resonating sweetness, also starred alongside

one of The Hayden’s true winners: a potato latke pressed in a waffle iron, its ridges and ramparts a haven for robust housemade applesauce.

But then came a barbacoa stroganoff that missed the chance to bring the fatty lushness of barbacoa together with the brown gravy glory of stroganoff,

instead coming off as an underdressed pile of egg noodles harboring dry fibers of brisket. And a mottled brown shower of crumbled rye crouton dust cast a messy pall over Elaine’s Big Salad, already hamstrung by mushy, overripe tomatoes and a wet chop of smoked turkey.

We’ll go ahead and give EvenSteven the day off to talk about dessert, because The Hayden’s chocolate babka was an unqualified success, a perfect yin-andyang of chocolate and moist cake finished off with coffee ice cream, and the Key lime pie showed off the kind of altitude and attitude that wins county fair bake-offs.

That’s the kind of reliability The Hayden needs. But I’ll say this for Even-Steven: At least he has a nice place to sit. The Hayden is part 1980s fern bar, part retro diner and part San Antonio icehouse. It’s a winning, endearing combination of style, mindful service and a sense of humor.

I just wish I could say the same for the food. Because in the giveand-take world of Even-Steven, no one really comes out on top. They just break even.

Photos by Mike Sutter / Staff Barbacoa stroganoff should be great. Instead, the noodles were dry — as were the slivers of brisket — despite the mushrooms, peas and cream sauce.

Brined and smoked pastrami was the perfect partner for tart sauerkraut and Swiss cheese piled high on rye bread.

Desserts such as the luscious Key lime pie go in the pro column when rating The Hayden.