May we all find — and give — joy and peace

Even before Thanksgiving, some of you ushered in the Christmas season, decking your halls, trimming your trees and hanging your lights, searching for the warmth of the season.

Holidays bring joy — and stress, anxiety and depression.

Common is the pressure of deeply wanting to create a quintessential holiday that rivals settings of commercials and Hallmark flicks when reality often falls short.

Many of us grapple with loneliness, broken relationships and challenging family dynamics. Some parents not only struggle to afford gifts for their children, they can’t pay for food or rent, either.

Tragic accidents haven’t stopped.

Widows and widowers, children who lost their parents and parents who lost their children grieve.

Physical and mental illness, divisive politics, violence, racism, hate — the adversity we endure is never-ending.

My family recently had two loved ones die in nine weeks.

My aunt Debbie Cavazos Kay, whose death I wrote about in September, was first. In her 51 years, she struggled with mental health, drug addiction and chronic health problems before deciding she no longer wanted to fight to live, refusing dialysis treatments. As hard as her death was, she died on her terms, and we had weeks to care for her and say goodbye.

My cousin Amy Lee Longoria — who cherished all holidays and generously shared gifts, holiday or not, died Nov. 14. She was 49. She got sick a few weeks before, and at the hospital, she was told it was pancreatitis, then cancer.

Before she could set up treatment, she was gone; it had spread all over her body. Only close family got to say goodbye while she was on a respirator in the hospital.

On the day of Amy’s funeral, her mother, my aunt Mary, lamented during her prayer, “Amy loved with her whole heart.”

Eight years younger, I always looked up to Amy. She was beautiful, intelligent, kind and generous. Her quinceañera dress became my quinceañera dress. I was the recipient of countless small gifts, including her baked goods — often for no reason at all.

She practiced acts of kindness before it was a thing. Not only was she present for many important events in my life, she participated in them, even baptizing my son. A social worker, her most recent job was helping immigrants.

At her service in Falfurrias, the sky opened for a violent, cold rain, yet the funeral home was packed with people who gathered to mourn and share stories of how Amy blessed them. Even the deacon’s voice trembled with emotion.

But by the time we left the funeral home for my cousin’s Mass at the church, the rain had stopped. And on our drive home, I spotted a rainbow — a symbol of God’s promise. That brought me some peace.

Our family has faith that death is not the end; yet our hearts still ache.

This kind of suffering has always existed, but it’s intensified with the COVID-19 pandemic that has taken its toll on our economy and health, claiming more than 770,000 American lives — and counting.

All of this and more threatens our joy, and while we can’t deny the hurt and darkness, we can keep fighting to reclaim our joy and light and to help others do the same.

We can seek and get help if we need it, whether that is talking to a therapist or a loved one, writing in a journal, praying, taking a walk or any of the ways that restore our happiness.

We can remember our loved ones who have passed and revisit traditions while also creating new memories.

We can reach out to others and focus on being present with a phone call, visit or gift. If we’re able, we can volunteer and donate. Like my cousin Amy, we can find selfless ways to show love.

We can strive to embrace the good. Each day brings a new opportunity to focus on gratitude — even after Thanksgiving has passed. Waking up each morning, we can find parts of our lives for which we can give thanks.

By the time you read this, I would have talked my husband into dragging our Christmas tree down from the attic. My heart will be warmed by the glow of its light in the undeniable darkness.

This holiday season, my wish is we all find and give light and joy — and have peace.