San Antonio Express-News (Sunday)
Focus on a deeper-level goal for 2022
We still have some time, but before you nail down a New Years’ resolution, I have a few thoughts on how to reframe the whole “I’m going to fix (insert what you don’t like about yourself ) next year” model.
We all have areas we’d like to tidy up. They could be related to health, money, career or relationships, all of which are important.
But as a lot of us know from experience, gripping at specific outcomes doesn’t bring them to fruition — and gripping is the vibe of a lot of resolutions. We focus on a mission and go hard. This is the recurring flavor of January, and then we’re burned out by the start of February. March if we’re hard core.
But there is another way that’s worth thinking over. It’s an alternative I’ve been playing with in recent months, and it’s been challenging but promising. In a nutshell: Focus within, and specifically, try to make the familiar unfamiliar and the unfamiliar familiar.
That’s a mouthful. But allow me to explain with an example: While a familiar response during a disagreement with a loved one might be defensiveness or lashing out, an unfamiliar alternative may be pausing in the heated exchange. Maybe just taking a timeout is an unfamiliar move. If so, it’s worth trying. It’ll be supremely uncomfortable, but it also starts feeling good to break destructive molds.
What if, rather than looking at resolutions or the harsh rules we’re tempted to create surrounding them, we take this inner route and focus on the struggle itself ? What if we could be mindful enough to catch ourselves in our rough moments and consciously play with choosing different responses — trying something unfamiliar — in those crucial milliseconds?
That’s how patterns break and new potentials open up. My early experimenting with this makes it feel like a game changer. Those daring little nods toward what’s unfamiliar can move things, eventually even pertaining to the things we want to “resolve.”
We can play with this any time we feel a struggle. In those moments, instead of your same old response, consider if you can make the familiar unfamiliar.
It’s honestly hardest in the areas that we’re inclined to make resolutions, but practicing in other contexts can build the skill to increasingly penetrate our soft spots. In the meantime, our lives in general may take a better flow.
This involves trial and error and a hefty amount of mindfulness, but it’s incredibly humbling and empowering and doesn’t feel quite as in vain as old-school resolutions.
I talk about all this (and more) in a program I’m delivering this January called “lift your vibe: a four-week meditation journey.” The program offers five guided meditations per week that build up to help us hone skills like this and raise our vibrations so we can operate from a more empowered and inspired level. Details are at marcisharif.com.
Know that courage and consciousness will be needed for any of this to work. I’m definitely not always up for that, but at a minimum, I am becoming more aware of my familiar patterns and habits. It’s a journey. I hope you’ll join.