San Antonio Express-News (Sunday)
To Texans’ coaching candidates: Buyer beware
HOUSTON — So you think you are going to be the one.
The next one.
The chosen one.
The second head coach of the Nick Caserio-Jack Easterby era on Kirby Drive.
The leader who is finally going to lift up the Texans, make everyone inside NRG Stadium better, and excel on an elevated national stage that Dom Capers, Gary Kubiak, Bill O’Brien and David Culley couldn’t reach while guiding Houston’s NFL team for 20 combined seasons.
First things first: Congratulations.
There are only 32 pro football head coaching jobs in the world, and this one will soon belong to you.
____ ____, new head coach of the Houston Texans.
Sounds nice, right?
Feels good.
Heck, some human beings spend the majority of their life on Earth criss-crossing the country for thankless assistant jobs and thankless college jobs, all while dreaming of one day becoming an NFL head coach, and never even receive an opportunity to interview for a prestigious 1-in-32 gig.
You’re clearly one of the fortunate few and are about to become the head coach of the 2022 Texans. I’m sure everything will work out just fine in the end and your first year in red and blue will only be the beginning of a lengthy and rewarding relationship with the local masses.
Again: Congratulations.
But while I’ve got your ear ... let me share something that might be helpful — something I and others have learned firsthand in recent years.
I’ll whisper it, just so Kirby’s prying ears don’t hear.
Be careful.
Be careful what you wish for. Be careful who you trust. Be careful what you sign up for.
Read all the fine print, know exactly who is going to be in your headset when a huge 4th-and-1 call is in your hands, and understand upfront that things
sometimes aren’t as simple as they seem.
Another free tip for Brian Flores, Josh McCown, Jonathan Gannon, Kevin O’Connell, Jerod Mayo and the rest: Buyer beware.
And maybe give Brian Gaine, Jamey Rootes, Charles Omenihu, Randall Cobb, Whitney Mercilus, DeAndre Hopkins, J.J. Watt, O’Brien and Culley a call before you’re promised $20 million or so to be the Texans’ next head coach for the next five years.
“The leadership between the coach and the GM, it doesn’t seem like it’s a power struggle,” Omenihu told reporters this week, as San Francisco prepared for another playoff game. “They make it very clear of what they want from GM to head coach, from head coach to position coaches. And it’s not like a circus show here.”
Wait, wait, wait!
Don’t freak out. Don’t walk away.
This can be a good job, I promise.
This city loves football. And I mean loves football.
You think America’s sport is huge in Boston, Philadelphia or
Los Angeles? Please. Footballobsessed Texas swallows them all without blinking, Houston is the biggest and best city in Texas, and the first NFL team in Houston that wins the Super Bowl will be celebrated for eternity in this city.
So, yeah, this job has serious opportunities.
But I’m just saying. I’ve seen some things. Heard more things. Keep hearing and seeing new things. And if my NFL future was on the line, I would want some written-in-stone guarantees before I agreed to be the next one chosen to lead the Texans.
1.) You will actually be able to lead the Texans.
On the playing field, at practice and in the locker room. And if anyone gets in your way (or goes behind your back), you’ll have the authority to remind everyone that you’re the only head coach of Houston’s NFL team.
2.) You will be allowed to choose your own staff and have hiring/firing capability.
Culley was publicly handcuffed from the start, then publicly blamed for a 4-13 record and fired
because of supposed “philosophical differences” that redefined the boundaries of fake news.
Don’t allow yourself to become the next Culley.
3.) Caserio will do everything within his powers to try and find you a franchise QB, and Deshaun Watson will be traded before start of the 2022 draft.
You could be the next Bill Belichick, on paper. But Belichick didn’t become Dynasty Belichick without Tom Brady, and you’re not doing anything long term in the NFL without a real QB.
You also deserve a clean slate and a new foundation inside
NRG. Trading Watson ignites all that.
4.) Easterby won’t be allowed to secretly run the show, and you’ll have more power than Easterby.
This should be your show with Caserio. HC and GM. A football partnership.
Gaine, Rootes, O’Brien, Culley and more have been pushed out since Easterby started accumulating power and gaining the trust of the McNair family.
The Texans went 8-25 the last two seasons while being constantly
dragged down by drama, alienating fans and season-ticket holders, turning off some in the media and intentionally leaking one-sided information to others.
One person has consistently been in the middle of it all.
Do the math.
Other than that, it’s a good gig. You’ll soon be overloaded with draft picks. You can pretty much only go upward from 4-12 and 4-13. The Texans have a proven track record of winning the AFC South, which is a guaranteed trampoline into the playoffs. And the moment that you win a Divisional Round game, this city will buzz with Texans pride and belief.
I hope it works out for you. I hope you succeed.
I hope you last. It honestly gets a little repetitive writing about firings, hirings, drama and more firings. Some real winning would be nice.
Just make sure, as the next chosen one, that you know exactly what you’re getting into. And get a few things in writing first.