A quick note often better than whole letter

One of the morning news shows features “Notes to Self” on Fridays written by famous folks to their 18-year-old selves. Since I’m writing this column on my birthday, it seemed like a good idea to share a note to myself with readers.

However, after writing it, I realized that my 18-year-old self probably would not want to read a whole letter of “shoulda, woulda, coulda” memories from me and neither would anyone else, not even me — not today and especially not at 18. At 18, you think you know where you are going so you don’t think you need a map and directions from somebody else to get there.

While the age of 18 still harbors some teenage uncertainties, bewilderments and hormonal disruptions, the courage and energy of youth triumphs over real and perceived obstacles, even if some of them are your parents and even if you know your parents are a safety net if you flop.

Grandparents like to tell grandchildren about their good old days, which, as I believe, were sometimes more old than good. Yet, grandparents might do some good by sharing what they have learned about life, especially if life has kept them optimistic despite its challenges.

An old Texan once told me, “It’s not how long you’ve been around; it’s the roads that you’ve been dragged over.” It’s the same guy who told me, “You gotta dance with the one who brung you.” And, the same guy who, when I asked, “What’s the difference between a critter and a varmint,” he explained, “You feed a critter and you shoot a varmint.”

I interpret those words of wisdom as: Experience is the best teacher and be loyal to your friends. I interpret his “shooting varmints” advice as: Learn how to determine the difference between critters (friends) and varmints (nasty people); then be a friend to your friends and avoid nasty folks; they’ll eventually bring nastiness upon themselves. I welcomed advice from my favorite auntie, who was in her 90s.

She disliked hearing people talk about past unpleasantness. If someone did, she’d say, “Stop talking about the past; it’s over and you can’t do anything about it,” then she’d add, “Besides, it gives me a headache.”

I was speechless when my grandchildren surprised me with a huge birthday card on which they had written descriptions of my personality and lifestyle.

I didn’t realize they had been that observant. A lesson for other grandparents: Children are always observing even when you don’t know it.

If I could give my grandchildren the same advice I gave my children that’s like the practical advice from my old Texan and auntie, I would add my simple rules for an interesting life: “Always remember that different is not a synonym for wrong; it merely means not the same. Welcome new people and ideas and never be afraid of change or to change. And, you don’t always end up where you start out to go, and that’s OK.’’