MISS MANNERS A barista is caught in the middle of couple’s charity

Dear Miss Manners: I work at a coffee shop/ cafe that gets very busy during lunch. One day, while I was working the main register, some kind folks completed their lunch order, paid, then left $10 in cash and asked me to apply it to the order of the man behind them in line. When the man came to the register, he just asked if he could please have some water; I pointed him to our water station. He went off and I realized he was whom the couple had left money for, presumably charitably. I couldn’t shout him down, so I tried to attach a note to the bill for a co-worker to take to the couple. However, it was the middle of the lunch rush and I wasn’t able to leave the register. Later, the couple came back. I handed them their money, apologized, and started to explain. They told me that they wanted to give the man money but wanted to spare him the embarrassment of receiving it. They “thought I could explain to him he had credit to use.” I felt bad about the whole interaction, but also annoyed! It seems like these people were avoiding their own embarrassment, not his, but that it was his loss. I’ve helped plenty of customers buy food for other people, including local homeless folks, and there are many gracious ways to do so. Am I just bitter here, or am I justified? The server-customer relationship depends upon reasonable restraint. Such restraint includes being clear. And it requires staying reasonably close to the task at hand. There are better ways to accomplish what they wanted, and there are ones that do not put the work on you. Miss Manners wishes that employers exercised equal restraint by not looking at every transaction as an opportunity to sell. Please send questions for Miss Manners to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com