CAROLYN HAX
Reader weighs confessing love to a roommate
Dear Carolyn: Four months ago I moved into a new place, and have fallen for one of my roommates. I want to ask her out, but given our yearlong lease I don’t know if this is a good idea. We hang out and really get along and I do not want to jeopardize our friendship.
I was telling her about a road trip I am taking in about seven months for a wedding, and she wants to come with. It would be us two on a 12-hour road trip to the wedding. We would then take five days to go hiking about in the mountains because we both love to do that.
Do I wait until the end of the lease to ask her? What if she loses interest in me because I waited too long to ask her out? Do I take the chance now and, if she does not like me, have a possibly awkward living situation and maybe lose a friendship?
It sounds like you’re handling it well. You have way more to lose by rushing in than by biding your time — and I’m not even sure waiting seven-ish months while actively hanging out and travel-planning and suffusing the air with expectant glances like so many dust motes in sunlight even qualifies as romance-snuffing behavior. Seems more like a blueprint to build it.
Also don’t forget she is just as equipped to ask you out as you are to ask her.
So, enjoy the will-we-won’t-we for a while — there’s a reason that tension drives many a TV hit — and get to know her. Up close. Really well. Including the most important thing: whether she’s mature enough to handle difficult emotions gracefully. Make sure you are, too. Someone you know will break up ugly is a great person not to date.
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