Reader does not want children to use an honorific

Dear Carolyn: I hate honorifics for myself and want to be called by my first name, period. Some kids in my life have parents who say they HAVE to call me Ms. Lastname or at least Ms. Firstname. They insist it’s important to them that their kids “show respect.” I keep telling them the best way their kids can show respect is by respecting what people want to be called! The parents get really upset when I tell the kids, “Please just call me Firstname.” We are at an impasse. I admire everyone’s passion. I guess.

If you were all my little Lego people and I were running your world, both sides would have backed down and said, “Whatever,” because — whatever.

Names are certainly significant and worthy of respect as elements of identity.

But in this case, you’re not trolling each other or taking disingenuous, political jabs at name choices. Both of you have made and stood by valid, wellmeaning points that ably express who you are and what you believe in. You are living your truth on individuality, good for you; they are living their truth on responsibility, both parental and societal. Good for them.

So I find myself wishing both parties would recognize the integrity and goodwill of the other — and therefore the relative unimportance of a win or loss on the specific expression of said values — and just drop it.

Then the kids will turn 18, game over.

Since I’m talking to you, not these parents, you’re the designated dropper: Defer to them in the name of friendship.