Reader thinks friend’s husband is in the closet

Dear Carolyn: Many think my best friend “Sara” has it all: four adorable children, a successful husband (“Jim”), and a beautiful home. Jim is an absolute dear, but here’s the thing. I think he’s gay.

Recently, I sat down with Sara and shared my hunch. True to form, she listened attentively and thanked me for my concern. But since then, Sara has not mentioned our conversation about her husband’s sexuality. How should I revisit the topic?

Never. Not gently, not roughly, not with discreet tactical brilliance, not ever. That’s how.

With the benefit of all doubts firmly in place, I’ll venture you just really want your friend to be happy. And that’s great. But if your idea of helping her be happy includes a first step of having to persuade her that she’s unhappy, then that’s your flashing red railroad-crossing barrier. If your friend wants your help, she can ask.

Dear Carolyn: I read a lot of news and culture articles online; when I see something I think a family member may like, I forward it to them. I’ve heard from more than one that sometimes it’s overwhelming and they don’t know whether to respond. Does this sound like a boundary problem on my part, even though I’m pretty sure they would like the information I’m forwarding?

From now on, connect with people you love only at judicious intervals and using a disclaimer at the top of all forwarded emails: “I thought you might like this. Please don’t feel any obligation to respond.”