A family will not respect a couple’s child-free wedding

Hi, Carolyn: My fiance and I have had to exclude children from our wedding guest list. Our guests have 60 children among them, and our reception venue has a capacity of 150.

This went over fine with everyone, of course, except my brother and his wife. They are very focused on not knowing how to tell their 8-year-old daughter she cannot come.

We recently had an uncomfortable conversation about kids not coming to the shower for the same reasons. My mother is hosting the shower and thinks it is her decision to have children or not. She refuses to even discuss the issue. At this point, she refuses to even speak to me.

My brother and sister-in-law have now decided to not attend the shower, and I am seriously considering rescinding their invitation to the wedding.

I can’t think of anything that would add more white-hot drama faster than rescinding your invitation.

Welcome them warmly to your high road, let them sulk the whole way if they want to,.

And keep this in mind for next time: trying to explain from every angle undermines an unpopular position.

Why? Because having X different reasons hints at a lack of conviction, and belief in your decision is the most powerful argument you’ve got: “I know people will be disappointed, but inviting kids isn’t feasible.” Dooooooooone. No further explaining. Any further pressure gets this response:

“I know you’re disappointed. We really hope you’ll come, but totally understand if this is a dealbreaker.”