How to track down letter that seems to be lost in the mail

Dear Miss Manners: When I graduated from law school, I had a graduation party at my home, for which I mailed out invitations. Four of the invitees were complete no-shows; despite my request that they RSVP, they must have forgotten to send their regrets. I’m subscribed to a new service from the post office that sends me digital pictures of the letters I’ll receive, before they arrive in my mailbox. A few days after the party, I received one such notification: an image of an envelope with my address handwritten on it. The return address was cut off. It was almost surely a note from one of the invitees who couldn’t make it; few people know my address, and fewer still send handwritten notes. I’d always thought “lost in the mail” was a euphemism, but now, a few weeks later, this letter still hasn’t turned up. I’m at a loss. One of these four people must’ve sent me a note (or even a gift), and I don’t want to appear ungrateful. But I also don’t want to shame the other three no-shows by asking if they were the ones who hadn’t bothered to send a note.

Gentle Reader: What will they think of next? Miss Manners herself prefers ignorance to being teased with notice of mail that is not then actually delivered. It does, however, provide a solution to your dilemma. You could write to all four no-shows explaining — in a light-hearted manner — the awkward situation in which you find yourself. But beware. Mention only “a letter,” not a response to your invitation, and certainly not a present. Better to ignore the entire situation than to send a note that appears to be soliciting a gift when one was not, in fact, sent.