Mom won’t stop pushing reader to have a baby

Hi, Carolyn: My husband and I are in our 30s and weighing whether to have a child, well aware of the greater challenges the longer we wait.

My mother can’t seem to stop bringing up the topic frequently. She asks if we’re trying, reminds me how age will make things harder, and giving advice around meeting with doctors, fertility experts, etc. Last time we spoke, she mentioned surrogacy.

From asking her politely to stop inquiring, telling her it’s between me and my husband, to getting downright angry with her, I’ve tried everything and I’m at a loss for what to do now. I don’t want to cut off contact, but she doesn’t respect my boundaries. I’ve even tried just staying silent when she raises the topic, but that hasn’t deterred her in the slightest.

She thinks she has the right to know. Perhaps because we’re from a culture where everything is openly shared. Or perhaps she had that sort of relationship with her mother where she discussed everything. I don’t have that deep emotional attachment with her, though I don’t think she knows that or wants to admit it to herself. I was always at odds with her growing up, and even now prefer to maintain my distance.

I don’t think she has the right to know about my family plans ... but am I wrong? Too harsh? Have I taken it to an extreme?

Unsure

This is your body, marriage, business. You have the right to decide whether your mother has the right to know, and you even have the right to make the wrong decision or take it to an extreme. Your culture may say otherwise — but you get to say whether you’ll live by the norms of your culture.