Worried or concerned? You decide
As a parent, it is my job to worry. Isn’t it? We worry about our children getting good grades in school, getting into the right college, getting a good job, choosing the right friends, finding their soul mate, being in a car accident or getting sick. There’s lots to worry about. We want their lives to be happy, successful and free of suffering, pain and failure. We are willing to do all we can to protect our offspring from harm, support them in time of need and encourage them to follow their dreams. And we’re willing to worry about them nonstop, because we believe, somehow, that the worrying helps. Does it?
There is, of course, a difference between being worried and being concerned. The worried person sees the problem, while the concerned person tries to solve the problem. That is, if it is within our power to solve. There is an old Spanish proverb: “If your problem has a solution, why worry about it; and if your problem does not have a solution, why worry about it?”
Besides our children, there are many other things we worry about. Crime. Job security. Retirement savings. The stock market. And now, of course, the coronavirus.
In a survey conducted in Great Britain several years ago, about 86 percent of people described themselves as worriers. The research further revealed that we spend on average one hour and 50 minutes a day worrying — that’s nearly 13 hours a week.
We might argue current world and domestic events more than justify anxiety and a negative outlook. A recent study conducted by Penn State University, noted in the journal Behavior Therapy, found that many of the worries that occupy an anxious mind never come to fruition.
For the study, researchers asked 29 people with a generalized anxiety disorder to write down everything they worried about for one month. The study participants also recorded the outcomes of their worries. The researchers found 91 percent of people’s worries did not come true.
So, should we worry about our children, crime, the stock market, the coronavirus? Robert Leahy, a New York-based clinical psychologist and author of the book “The Worry Cure,” suggests we set aside a block of time each day for worrying.
“It may sound odd,” he wrote. “But a lot of people find it easier to take their mind off a concern if they’ve granted themselves a specific time and place to pick it back up. So at 3 o’clock every day, sit down and think about all your worries. Not only can this tactic help people escape from round-the-clock anxiety, but come 3 o’clock, many realize that the thing they’d worried about earlier in the day no longer concerns them.”
Some amount of worrying is unavoidable. If people didn’t worry, they wouldn’t be able to anticipate and prepare for life’s challenges. But for some, worry can become overwhelming.
“People who worry a lot tend to become depressed and you can worry yourself into a negative outlook on life,” Leahy wrote.
Humor writer Erma Bombeck said: “Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.” You are right, Erma. And that’s how I see it.