Friend only wants to talk about her pains and aches

Dear Miss Manners: I have a friend with whom I used to have a lot in common. She has many fantastic qualities, and I quickly grew to consider her one of my best friends, despite her living a few states away. We could talk for hours on the phone every day, and we collaborated on creative projects. When we first met, she had some ailments for which she was on leave from work for a few months.

I quickly began to realize, though, as new excuses for why she could not work began to pop up, that dwelling on her ailments and illnesses and many symptoms is a very big fixation for her and not just a passing hardship. I also began to find it odd when she would become furious at her husband if he ever became ill with a cold or flu and got attention or sympathy from others.

I am not sure if this person is genuinely experiencing chronic pain, suffering from hypochondria, or suffering from Munchausen syndrome.

What IS my concern is that our conversations have become one-sided fishings for sympathy. I am tired of the negativity and having to console and comfort someone constantly.

I recently went on a fantastic weeklong trip and she didn’t once express interest in hearing about my trip, though we share a love of travel.

Is it ruder to ignore her complaints, or is it ruder to tell her the truth as to why our friendship is now strained?

Gentle Reader: The answer will depend on how you approach each option.

Telling your friend that her recitation of symptoms has become a bore is ruder than excusing yourself for the delay before you returned her call, or finding that you have to get off the phone now.

Please send questions for Miss Manners to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com