Couple feel looked down upon because they lack degrees

Dear Carolyn: I waited tables during and after college and for most of my working history. I worked in upscale restaurants and waited on people who appreciated getting the best food and service. I worked hard and made great money and friends. Now for the last decade, my husband and I have a custom cabinetry business.

My family, who only value education, higher degrees and unending ambition and accomplishment, have only ever said, “You must like working with your hands.” Even recently, meeting extended family members for the first time, they said of my husband, “Well he must like working with his hands.”

I’d like to scream at this and say, “As opposed to working with his brain, like you, sons and daughters of education?” I find this saying extremely offensive and demeaning, and it diminishes our skill and experience.

Where did it happen that smart people think only certain types of work are acceptable? Is there a good way to reply to this without sounding defensive/offensive?

Build It, and They Will Offend

Wait now. Don’t repeat the error you’re trying to correct. Just because these “smart people” think only certain kinds of work are acceptable doesn’t mean all smart people think that.instead, focus on what you specifically hope to accomplish. Which is ... to gain the respect of your myopic family? To purge “working with your hands” from their lexicon? To inoculate yourself against irritation when they say stuff like this? To stand up for yourself? To burst snob balloons? It’s only a “good way” to respond if it serves your purpose.

Chat with Carolyn online at 11 a.m. each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.