Reader catches husband cheating for a second time

Hi, Carolyn: A few evenings ago, I had to log on to the home computer to retrieve a document and to my shock, my husband had a video-chat box that he had left up where he was very clearly sexting or video-hooking-up with some random person online. It paralyzed me.

A little over a year ago, I caught him sexting with an ex-fling, which he claimed was “just joking.” Yes, he is very sloppy and had the phone in very plain sight, much like the computer. We went to counseling and I conveyed to him that honesty is very important to me even if the truth is hard, and that, while I can’t control what he does, I feel his doing that to me is very disrespectful.

I thought we had gotten past it, but now this happens. I feel like I no longer know my husband.

I will have to talk to him soon, when I feel like I can have a somewhat calm, rational conversation with him. Is he a sex addict? Do I just ask him what he is really looking to find by doing this? Does he need an open marriage? How should I approach this?

Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde

I’m sorry. It sounds as if you do know your husband, now. He’s just not the person you’ve told yourself he is. It also sounds as if you mistook saying your piece with “we had gotten past it.”

You moved on; he apparently stayed put, and still is who he always has been.

So, how should you approach this? Tell him what you saw. Then give your view, that he played along in counseling to make the last sexting issue go away — and so you’d like the truth this time, please. Whatever it may be, you’d rather know it and deal with it head-on than be back here again.