Mother-in-law’s scents unsettle reader’s stomach

Dear Carolyn: This is kind of a silly problem. My kind, sensitive mother-in-law makes me sick. She stayed with us for a few weeks while I was pregnant with a now 6-month-old. I was pretty vomitty, and one of the many triggers was the scent of my MIL’S hair spray and, to a lesser extent, perfume. I didn’t say anything at the time as I didn’t want to hurt her — she’s sensitive about her appearance — and was also choosing battles, since meat-cooking was an even bigger trigger. I figured out how to minimize my exposure and accepted the vomiting.

Now she’s back for two weeks to meet the 6-month-old, and I am unexpectedly still sensitive to these scents. They don’t make me vomit but I’m finding them nauseating and just generally unpleasant. They never bothered me before the pregnancy. Should I just suck it up, avoid where I can, and give my body a chance to outgrow the associations? Will it outgrow the associations?

It’s not silly, not even kind of. You feel physically ill, and you’re distancing yourself from a kind, sensitive person. These are both important!

If you had asked me back when the problem first arose, then I would have urged you to be honest with your MIL. It’s not personal and it wasn’t “about her appearance” — it was about chemicals.

And since the problem persists, that’s the thing to say to her now. “There is something in your hair spray and perfume that I’ve started reacting to — I’m hoping it’s just a postpartum thing that will go away, but in the meantime I’m wondering if you’re willing to stop using them or try different ones.”