Spouse wants to leave area that isn’t a good fit for family

Dear Carolyn: In 2020, my husband and I moved from a state where I was very happy living so he could take a new job. I had family nearby, a job I loved, and a significant network of support. (I am in long-term recovery from addiction, with 10-plus years clean and sober).

Mostly because of the pandemic, my husband works from home and has been to the office fewer times than I can count on two hands.

I’m miserable where we are, a deeply conservative red state. I miss my family, job, friends, and the purplish area we lived in. And I resent that we made this move when he works at home.

I know we couldn’t have predicted a paradigm shift in corporate culture. But is it reasonable for me to ask that if he’s not going to go back to the office, we move “back home?” I shared my frustration with him once, but stopped short of asking or giving him any sort of ultimatum.

Sullen in the South

Oh my goodness just say you want to move back. Or at least say things haven’t improved since you voiced your frustration and you would like to set aside time to discuss long-range plans.

Meantime, if you’re not doing this already: Live as if you’ll never move back “there.” Every policy made “here” may be against your beliefs, but I won’t accept that every human living “here” is.

Plus, every day we resign ourselves merely to endure is a day discarded — and while it’s inevitable that some days will be like that, it’s a kindness to ourselves to keep those days to an absolute minimum.