Request for a call is meant to respect recipient’s time

Dear Miss Manners: I have gotten texts from people asking me to call them when I have the time.

I think if a person wants to speak with me, they should call. If I am available, I will answer. If not, they can leave a message and I will call them back. The text method feels like they are putting the burden of initiating the call on me. Am I justified in this point of view, or am I way off base?

Gentle Reader: Emotionally, your reaction is understandable. You feel that the texters have assigned you homework, while your reaction to the message-leavers is ameliorated by regret that you were unavailable when they wanted to speak with you. Miss Manners says this as a gentle preface to pointing out that, for the reasons you gave, the text is less intrusive — and therefore more respectful — than barging in on someone, assuming constant availability.

Dear Miss Manners: I have two young kids. For their birthdays and Christmas over the past few years, my sister-in-law has been giving my kids used/outgrown toys and clothes from her daughter. She is not struggling financially. Is it acceptable to give hand-me-downs as gifts?

Gentle Reader: Strictly speaking, hand-medowns are gifts, even if the expectation is that they will be passed to the cousins on the other side.

But what level of gift? Miss Manners recognizes she is unusual in valuing a gift by the thought and effort of the gift-giver, not its resale value. But, hand-me-downs are not generally as meaningful a gift as might be expected for a birthday or holiday.