Hosts are shocked to learn baby shower wasn’t the first one

Dear Miss Manners: I am a woman working in a predominantly male field, with my company’s workforce at approximately 15% female. Over the past 17 years of my employment, whenever a coworker is pregnant, we usually do a baby shower, whether at the workplace or sponsored by someone in their home. I have hosted four in my home.

A close work friend asked me if I would help her throw such a baby shower for another coworker. We issued invitations to all of our female colleagues (30-plus people), but to our dismay, we had only four people accept. I sponsored the gathering at my home and spent a lot of money because I felt bad about the low attendance and worried the party would be disappointing to the mother-to-be.

The following Monday, I was in the mail room and learned that the reason nobody attended was because there had already been a shower for this co-worker a few weeks prior to ours.

I was speechless. Not only did my friend and I not make the cut for the first shower, but the mother-to-be allowed us to throw her a second one. I am furious. Any thoughts on how to handle this?

Gentle Reader:

At this point, little good will come of trying to determine whether your coworker actively took advantage of you, or whether she was paralyzed by embarrassment when she realized you did not know about the first shower.

True, punishing pregnant women does not appear to be going out of fashion, but Miss Manners recommends a more professional approach. Next time someone at the office is expecting, say, “That’s wonderful! I’m so happy for her. But perhaps it’s past time for us to leave baby showers to family and friends where they belong.”