Reader’s impaired mother-in-law won’t stop driving

My mother-in-law is on oxygen, is wobbly on her feet, can’t hear or see very well, and is understandably forgetful. She lives by herself and refuses to have anyone help her except me.

I called her primary doctor to say my mother-inlaw should not be driving. My husband and I have had several large fights over this. His response is when she gets in an accident, then he will have that discussion with her. He knows that is a bad plan.

I took her for her appointment, and the doctor did take away her driving privileges. The doctor asked me my opinion in front of my mother-inlaw, and I said while I don’t get a vote, I think she should not be driving.

So, now she is mad at me, still driving. My husband talked to her and said I did it because I love her. She said she would be careful driving, and he said okay. He refuses to tell her she shouldn’t be driving because he would then have to deal with it.

I have decided to stop mothering her. At lunch yesterday, I didn’t help her in and out of the car or give her my jacket when she was cold, and when her oxygen wasn’t on, I didn’t tell her. My husband said I was being rude. I said I was treating her as an adult, that she couldn’t have it both ways. Your opinion?

People whose vision has deteriorated to the point they “can’t ... see very well” belong nowhere near the controls for thousands of pounds of steel.

Resume the process the doctor started of seizing her keys; take the marital hit as a public service. (For others just reaching this unfortunate crossroads: eldercare.acl.gov.)