When hearing ‘congratulations’ gets old

At a recent gathering, I had a chat with a young gentleman who inquired about my age.

Upon reciting it, he replied: “Congratulations!”

I’m not sure that retort was applicable. Congratulations? Really?

Such a reply is normally reserved for, say, a new graduate, a person who receives a promotion, maybe someone who wins a race, or a lottery.

Or that time my best friend congratulated me when my bride finally said “I do.”

But when it’s a response to learning one’s age, they’re obviously saying “It’s a miracle you survived this long.”

I maintain, “congratulations” should be reserved for applauding an extraordinary achievement, not for marveling how an enfeebled geriatric can somehow still remain upright.

In truth, he was addressing a youthful and energetic gentleman still junior to the average presidential candidate.

No doubt he thought the word connotes a positive and encouraging sentiment, and I’m sure he intended “congratulations” to be a compliment.

Still, it felt more like a eulogy.

My wife says I shouldn’t be offended by the young man’s remarks, suggesting I’ve become unreasonably fixated on the subject of longevity. She claims it started when I received that free cup of coffee at Mcdonald’s.

Or perhaps when I got that discount at the local supermarket. They offer a 10 percent credit to seniors on the third Wednesday of each month. I didn’t even realize they had such a concession until I fortuitously walked into the store on that fateful day, only to be overcome with the unbridled joy of discovering that, due to my advanced age, I saved exactly 27 cents on a package of chicken wings.

I hadn’t been quite that blissful since the time they allowed me to keep my shoes on at airport security.

What probably most offended me about that chicken discount was the fact that it was automatically conferred. Apparently, all the checker had to do was look at me and 27 cents was awarded.

At least she didn’t say congratulations. Conversely, the gentleman checking out in front of me was posed the simple query, “Do you qualify for our senior discount today?”

Why, I wondered, didn’t I qualify for the same question?

My wife claims I’m overreacting. She says it’s not always necessary to obtain proof of a person’s age before a courtesy is extended. She reminded me of the time we were riding a subway on a recent New York City visit when I accepted a young lady’s offer to take her seat. “She never even asked you for ID,” my wife argued.

My point however is, that guy who said “congratulations” upon learning my age had no idea how erroneously the word was applied. I actually took a test on the Internet where I employed what they called a “lifespan calculator.” Upon answers to a questionnaire, they claim they can determine longevity.

“It projected that I still have at least two decades to go before the need to call the embalmer,” I bragged to my wife.

“Congratulations!” she replied.